This December 21st will mark the 5th anniversary of the passing of my beloved mother, Joyce. It still seems surreal that it's been five years since the day she went home to the Lord. My family and I knew she was sick and we mentally told ourselves that her days were numbered, but on that Friday morning, we just weren't prepared. Nobody is ever prepared to say goodbye to their loved ones, especially around the holidays. I remembered being angry with God for taking my mother when he did, but at the same time I knew she was ready. Her body was just too tired to hang on any longer.
Every once in awhile I replay that fateful morning in my mind, wishing that I would have done things differently. If I would have known she going to pass that morning I would have stayed all night and held her hand or told her a story about her grandchildren while she slept peacefully, but I didn't, because I truly didn't think my mother would ever leave me.
They say time heals all wounds, but I don't believe that. Losing my mother left a permanent scar on my heart. I will always ache for her touch, her hugs, even her laugh. Joyce, was my mother, my friend, my mentor, even my bingo partner. I have gone to bingo a few times since she passed, but it's not the same. I miss listening to her swear everytime someone called bingo before her and smacking our dobbers together for good luck. My mother was a one-of-a-kind. She definetely made a mark in everyone's heart that knew her, she was that special.
I often wished I had one more chance to see my mother, to hug and hold her again, although I would never wish for her to feel the pain that she endured for so many years. I know in my heart she is in a better place now, pain free, and watching over me and my family. She is my guardian angel. But if I were to have one Christmas wish, it's to see her again, to hear her laughter, to hold her hand, even if it's in my dreams. Just to hear her laugh would be music to my ears.
No matter how old we are or how independent we become, we will always need our mothers.