Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Remembering Zane

It was November of last year, while grooming a dog that I had a vision of a woman walking into a funeral home. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and the smell of an eucalyptus plant wafted around her. She was heartbroken and on the verge of collasping when she heard someone call her name. This vision kept playing over and over again in my mind until that evening while making dinner I finally sat down at my laptop and started typing. A week in a half later, Remembering Zane was born.

First, it was only published as an ebook/short story, but then my lovely publisher talked me into adding a few more chapters and soon it was also available in paperback. Writing Remembering Zane tugged at my heart a few times to the point of tears that I had to walk away and take a break. I'm proud of this story and hope someday to see it as a movie. Wouldn't that be freaking awesome!? :) 

So, for those of you, who haven't read Remembering Zane, I'm posting my first chapter. If it tugs at your heart too and you want to read more, you can find it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and Smashword for a steal of just .99     Paperbacks 9.95

                                  REMEMBERING ZANE


Chapter 1

As soon as Bonnie Reese opened up the double glass doors she could smell the eucalyptus plant. She knew the sweet scent all too well. It was Zane’s favorite. Over the years, it had grown to be her favorite scent, too. And now…standing here in the foyer….smelling it’s sweet aroma…it became overwhelming. The reality was finally setting in.

“Hello ma’am.” An older gentleman said, as he greeted her at the door. He held out his arm, waiting for her to hand over her coat. She smiled weakly at him as slowly pulled her arms through the sleeves of her black wool coat then handed it to him. She didn’t know why she wore the heavy jacket. It had been unseasonably warm for that October, too warm to be wearing it, but then again, it was the only black jacket she owned. Plus, she hasn’t been able to shake the chills since the day she got the devastating news about Zane. That was a week ago.

Tears started to form when she remembered the day she got the call.

“Bonnie, did you hear?” Her friend Jackie asked immediately as soon as she answered the phone. Jackie had been one of her closest friends since elementary school and one of the few friends that she still kept in contact with.  

“Hear what?” Bonnie asked, as she scrambled to set the last bag of groceries on the kitchen counter.

“Zane Withers, he’s been in a car accident.” Bonnie could hear the sorrow in Jackie’s voice. Immediately, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. 

“Wha… what? What did you say?” Visions of Zane quickly filled her mind. She could see his dark crew cut hair, his chestnut brown eyes and his warm smile. He had the kind of smile that would light up any dark room.

“He’s okay, right?” She choked, blinking away her tears. She remembered the silence on the other end of the line. That’s when her knees buckled from under her and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

“I’m sorry, Bonnie. He’s dead.” Jackie said sympathetically. She spoke so low, that Bonnie barely heard her. She could feel her mind and body float away as she lay sobbing on the kitchen floor. She didn’t remember hanging up the phone or saying goodbye to Jackie that day. She didn’t remember much of anything that afternoon except that it was cold and raining and the only man that she truly ever loved….was dead.

“Bonnie!” A male voice hollered her name. She turned around to see Jonathan Wood, one of her old classmates, walking towards her. Jonathan was Zane’s best friend.

“Hi Jonathan,” she gave him a weak smile.

“You look lovely.” He said, smiling. She looked down at her navy blue pant suit and smiled shyly. She wished she would have worn a black dress, but all the other dresses that she owned were too bright and colorful.

“Thanks.” She said, bleakly. Jonathan was dressed in a black suit with a light blue carnation pinned to his breast. She choked when she saw the blue flower. Blue was Zane’s favorite color.

She took in a deep jagged breath and glanced over Jonathan’s shoulder, down the hall. The funeral home was packed with many of Zane’s friends and family. Some of the faces she recognized, but a lot of them she didn’t.

“How are you holding up?” Jonathan asked, taking her arm in his as they walked towards the crowd. The air felt heavy as she concentrated on her breathing. Each step she took, her knees became weak and began to shake. She feared that they were going to buckle from underneath her. She wasn’t sure if she could do this. It had been a year since she had last seen Zane. Although, she remembered it like it was yesterday. She was shopping at the mall when she had bumped into him. It was awkward seeing him with his wife and young son, awkward and devastating for her that is. She should have been his wife and the little boy, should have been her son. She cried for two weeks when she saw how happy he was with his new family.

Bonnie met Zane Withers when they were in the fourth grade. At ten years old, she didn’t really understand the concept of love, but she knew that the feelings she had for him were never going to go away. Ever. It wasn’t until they were both in eleventh grade, that he finally took an interest in her. The day that he came and stood by her locker and asked her if she wanted to go to the movies was forever tattooed to her brain. She could still smell his sweet aftershave as they sat next to each other watching their movie together.

 And so for the next ten years they were inseparable.  

“Bonnie! You came!” Through her murky eyes, she looked up to see another one of her classmates, Cindy walking towards her. She struggled to put a smile on her face as the tears continued to trickle down her cheeks. Jonathan sensed her uneasiness and wrapped her arm tighter around his.

“Yes. I’m here…here.” She choked. Cindy grabbed a handful of tissues that were sitting on a stand beside them and handed them to her. That was one useful thing about funeral homes they were always well stocked with tissues and set at the most convenient places.

She sighed and thanked Cindy for the tissues.

“Follow me if you want to see him. The line back there is a mile long.” She informed them with a smile on her face and speaking as if they were getting in line for a rock concert or something. There was no grief or sorrow in her voice, whatsoever. Bonnie nodded her head as her and Jonathan followed Cindy down the hall.

Jonathan leaned over and whispered in her ear, “If you aren’t ready yet we can wait.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and thanked him for being so understanding. All these years, Jonathan had always been so nice to her, saying the sweetest things and always complimenting her, more so than Zane ever did. She could never understand why he didn’t settle down and gotten married like (gulp) Zane did.

“I don’t want to keep you from waiting.” She breathed, using the tissues to wipe away the fresh tears. He smiled shyly at her and squeezed her hand. “I was already in there, earlier, with his wife and family.” She could see the guilt in his dark blue eyes as he bowed his head down.

“Oh!” Her lips formed a perfect ‘O’ when she spoke.

Her heart was pounding through her chest as they continued to inch their way closer to the room where Zane laid. She smiled weakly at the unfamiliar faces that walked past her. Some of them were somber, while others were sobbing uncontrollably.

Her mind raced. All she knew was that he was in a car accident. She had so many questions. Questions she wondered if Jonathan knew. Was it a closed casket? Was she ever going to see his beautiful face again? Maybe she didn’t want to remember him like this…lying in a casket….dead. Jonathan looked down at her as if he read her mind.

“You look troubled. Is there something wrong?” He whispered in her ear. She looked down at the front of her suit and nervously began to rub at the invisible wrinkles.

“Ho…how does he look?” She stammered.  

“Oh, he looks good, considering….” He stopped when he saw her green eyes grow wide with shock.

“Considering what?” She choked. He glanced around the crowded room, making sure that no one was listening in on their conversation. They all seemed to be in their own little world, chatting among each other.

“Well….he was partially ejected from his vehicle.” He spoke low. Her breath caught in her throat as she started to choke on her tears. She cupped her hands over her mouth to keep from shrieking, but it was too late. Tears started to stream down her cheeks as she went into a full blown crying fit. All she could envision was her beloved Zane bleeding and hanging out of the shattered windshield.

“Oh, my God!” She sobbed as she collapsed in Jonathan’s arms. Some of the people turned and were staring at the two of them.

“Come on. You’re not ready to see him yet.” Jonathan said. He wrapped his arms around her waist and walked her through the glass doors then down the steps and outside to the other end of the funeral home.

“What exactly happened to him?” She asked as she continued to sob. She was grateful that Jonathan brought her outside. The cool breeze felt good against her clammy skin.

“Sit down.” Jonathan ordered as he pointed at one of the white wicker chair that was in the corner of the porch. She quietly obliged. He took out a pack of gum from his pocket and offered her a piece, but she declined. She watched him carefully as he popped it in his mouth and began chewing vigorously. She could see that he, too, was having a hard time dealing with the loss of his best friend. She sat quietly, waiting for him to speak.

“It was cold and raining that day he was coming home from a football game. From what I was told, he swerved to miss a deer then his car skidded across the wet slippery leaves until he hit a tree head on.”

Bonnie felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach and knocked the breath out of her. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and slowly began rocking back and forth.

“The ambulance crew said he was still alive when they got there.”

She bit her bottom lip to keep from shrieking as she continued to listen to Jonathan. Then he turned around to stare out at the road in front of the funeral home. Bonnie could see the pain in his face and that he was hurting. He was having a hard time talking about it.

“What? What else happened?” Her voice quivered as she stood up from the chair and walked over to him. He sucked in a deep breath and grabbed ahold of the railing.

“The ambulance crew said he was talking and asking for his wife.” He continued. A small tear trickled down his cheek. Seeing Jonathan cry made her heart ache. She had never seen him cry before. She reached over and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, comforting him.

“That’s understandable.” She said soothingly. Jonathan turned around to face her and shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. He wasn’t asking for Leanne…he was asking for you. He kept repeating your name over and over again…Bonnie.” Her breath and heart stopped at the same time, as she tried to grasp what he had just said.

“Whaaa….what?” She stumbled backward and fell into the chair, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Oh Bonnie, I’m so sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” He cried, pounding his fists on the side of his head.

“Dammit! Dammit it all to hell!” He screamed as he kneeled down in front of her. He grabbed her ice cold hands, “Bonnie, I’m sorry.” He pleaded.

Bonnie wanted to stand up and hold Jonathan in her arms and tell him that it was okay…but she was numb. She felt like she was having an out of body experience. She could see Jonathan kneeling before her and apologizing, but she couldn’t move. All she could picture in her mind and hear was Zane’s bloody body calling her name.

“Hey Jon! Are you alright man?” They both turned around to see Derrick, another classmate and a good friend of Zane, standing before them.

Jonathan quickly stood up and wiped the tears from his cheek with the back of his hand. “Yeah man, I’m good.” He choked. Derrick gave him a peculiar look then turned to look at Bonnie.

“Hello Bonnie, nice to see you again.” He said, reaching his hand out for her to shake. She numbly raised her hand. But was startled when Derrick quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the chair to give her a hug. The surprise hug brought her out of her trance.

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Bonnie.” Derrick whispered in her ear, causing fresh tears to emerge. Yes, it was my loss too. The man I was supposed to marry, the man I was to have children with. The man I was supposed to grow old with until we both died of old age. Her heart ached for Zane’s wife and their young son, but her heart ached for herself, too. She loved Zane, more than herself and she always would.

“They are closing pretty soon. Do you want to see him one more time before you leave?” Derrick asked. He had no idea that she hadn’t been in there to see him yet. She nodded quietly then motioned for Jonathan to walk her in. Derrick held the side door open as they both walked back into the funeral home. The place was quieter now. There were only a few people left standing in the hallway. She grabbed ahold of Jonathan’s hands and squeeze tightly hoping it would stop hers from shaking.

Hand in hand, they slowly walked down the red carpeted hall, towards the small gathering of people. Right away, Bonnie recognized Zane’s parents. Her heart ached for them. She could see the grief in their tired old eyes as she walked towards them.

She shuddered when she caught a whiff of the eucalyptus plant as they walked up to the room where Zane laid.

“Bonnie! It’s so nice of you to come.” Zane’s mother, Jean said. She wrapped her frail arms around Bonnie’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. “I was afraid that you weren’t going to make it. My Zane would have been disappointed if you hadn’t shown up.” Her soft voice quivered when she said his name.

“Oh Jean, how could I not come.” She started to sob, but quickly sucked in a deep breath to keep the new tears from surfacing. She felt Jonathan’s hand on her shoulder as Jean continued to hug her. After a long moment Jean finally pulled back to look at her. “Oh, you look so beautiful.” Jean smiled weakly then gently patted her cheek.

Jean was a tall thin woman with grey hair and a button nose. Her thick glasses made her blue eyes more prominent. She smiled at Jean one more time before turning to Blaine, Zane’s father, who was standing next to her. Zane was a spitting image of his father; tall with short dark hair, except his had more grey. The two of them even had the same brown mole just below their left eye.

“So glad you could make it.” Blaine said in a deep voice that sounded just like Zane’s. Without saying a word, she reached up and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. It took everything she had to keep from breaking down in front of him. She knew this was hard enough on them losing their oldest son that they didn’t need to see her losing control and sobbing like a baby.

“Are you ready?” She heard Jonathan ask as he tapped her on the shoulders. She turned around and watched him hug Jean then turned and shook hands with Blaine one more time.

She blew out a jagged sigh and nodded her head as they proceeded into the large circular room. She gasped at the sight. There were flowers everywhere, stacked from floor to ceiling. Most of them were vibrant colors of fall; orange, yellow and brown, all but one. There was one green plant sitting on the floor next to the casket. It was the eucalyptus plant that she had sent. She took in a deep breath and inhaled its sweet aroma.

Jonathan wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they proceeded towards the casket. She kept her eyes peeled to the floor, away from the casket. She was still afraid to look. She was afraid of how she was going to react once she saw Zane lying in the casket, lifeless.

“Bonnie!” A female voice called. She turned around to see who it was that had spoken her name and gasped when she recognized the woman’s face. It was Leanne, Zane’s wife. Her heart began to pound against her chest as she stared at the young woman as she walked towards her. A pang of jealousy hit her when she saw how beautiful Leanne was with her long wavy dark hair, piercing blue eyes and perfect petite body. There was no comparison between the two of them. Bonnie was the complete opposite to her, with her short bleached blonde hair, bright green eyes and short stocky body. The longer Bonnie stared at the young widow her jealousy slowly started to fade. She felt remorse and….embarrassed. Did she know that Zane was calling her name out instead of his own wife’s?

Without saying another word, Leanne smiled then gently grabbed her arm and walked her to the casket. Bonnie could barely breathe. What was she doing? Doesn’t she realize how hard this is for me? I can’t just walk up to him….like…like this. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat and stared at her with wide eyes.

“Zane, look who came to see you,” She spoke lovingly to him as if he were still alive. Bonnie kept her eyes glued on the gold handles in front of the casket as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. She listened to Leanne talk to him. “Zane, honey, Bonnie came to see you.”

Leanne turned and smiled at Bonnie, then patted her hands and walked away, leaving her all alone beside him. Her body began to shake as she stared at the dark cherry casket and its gold handles. She could see that the casket was lined with white satin as she slowly moved her eyes all around except for the one place that she dreaded. Near the foot of the casket was a small bouquet of black and gold flowers with a small banner reading #1 fan. She chuckled quietly to herself. Yes, he was a huge Steeler fan.

She quickly shot her attention upward to the huge bouquet of flowers that were resting on top of the open casket. It was a huge casket cover of fall flowers. In the center of it was a yellow banner that read “Son/husband/father”. She shuddered then blew out another jagged sigh as she slowly moved her eyes downwards. She brought her fists to her mouth to muffle the small shriek that had escaped her lips. It was him! It was Zane! He truly was dead! She watched her hands shake as she reached out to touch him. His face was as white as the satin lining in his casket, his short dark hair was speckled with grey, but it was him, the same man she had loved since the fourth grade.




She didn’t remember the drive home, only walking through the front door of her small apartment and tossing her black wool coat over the couch. She was still having one of those out of body experiences, except all she could see was Zane lying in his coffin. He was wearing his beloved Pittsburgh Steeler jersey that was autographed by Jerome Bettis and Hines Ward. She remembered that day at the football stadium. They were both nineteen and full of love and life. Jonathan was with them too. The three of them had driven to Pittsburgh to watch the first home game of the season. They were playing against the Baltimore Ravens and the game ended with the Steelers winning 17 to 7. They had waited 2 hours after the game to get autographs. She remembered Zane’s dark eyes lit up when Hines Ward signed his jersey. He was like a little kid on Christmas morning.

The shrill of the phone brought her back to reality as she pulled herself off the couch to grab the phone.

“Bonnie, it’s me Jon. Are you okay? I was worried about you and wanted to make sure that you got home okay.” A small smile formed on her lips when she heard Jonathan’s voice.

“Yeah, I’m home….but…I’m not okay. I feel emotionally drained, you know?” She sighed heavily as she leaned back down on the couch. Her eyes felt puffy and swollen. She could feel a headache coming on from all the crying she had done tonight.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I wanted to tell you that if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can call me right?”

“Thank you Jonathan. I really appreciate that.” She grabbed the black wool coat that was lying on the arm of the couch and draped it over herself to keep warm. The cold chills were coming back.

“Bonnie, you can call me Jon. No one has called Jonathan since high school.” He chuckled lightly.  

“Oh, okay. Old habits die hard.” She chuckled weakly. “I guess it has been a few years, huh?” She still had trouble swallowing the idea that they have been out of high school for fifteen years. It seemed just like yesterday that her, Zane and Jonathan were cruising around town in Jonathan’s little blue Ford Escort. God! Where did the time go?

For a moment, there was silence on the phone. Just as Bonnie was about to say something, Jon finally spoke.

“Bonnie, I was wondering…wo…would you like to go out for dinner this weekend?” He stammered.

The corner of her mouth curled up as she felt flattered that Jonathan, er’ Jon, wanted to take her out to dinner. She was just as about to open her mouth and say yes, but she then stopped. What about Zane? Would he mind her going out on a date with his best friend? Tears started to cloud her vision as she sat up on the couch and stared at the blank television.

“Uh…Jonath...Jon, I really appreciate you wanting to take me out for dinner, but I really wouldn’t be much company right now.” She sighed heavily as she glanced around her small living room. It felt empty and lonely….like her.

“Nonsense…we can talk about old times…in honor of Zane. What do ya say?” He tried to sound enthusiastic, but deep down he was nervous as hell. He never told a soul that he had loved Bonnie since the 7th grade. Since the day of the spring dance when she walked into the gymnasium wearing a mint green dress. He remembered how beautiful her hair looked, all curly, framing her chubby cheeks and just enough makeup to bring out her bright green eyes and pink full lips. He wanted to tell her that day that she was beautiful and ask her to dance with him, but couldn’t, not when she was in the arms of his best friend Zane.

“Since you put it that way, I guess we could have dinner…in honor of Zane.” She chuckled weakly. Just thinking about him made her heart ache. She glanced at the clock on the wall. By this time tomorrow he would be buried six feet into the ground and covered with dirt. She took in a jagged breath and could feel another crying fit coming on.

“I gotta go. I will call you tomorrow.” She told Jon then quickly hung up. She spent the remainder of the evening curled up on the couch, crying over the love she had lost forever.

Monday, December 3, 2012

A Christmas Wish

This December 21st will mark the 5th anniversary of the passing of my beloved mother, Joyce. It still seems surreal that it's been five years since the day she went home to the Lord. My family and I knew she was sick and we mentally told ourselves that her days were numbered, but on that Friday morning, we just weren't prepared. Nobody is ever prepared to say goodbye to their loved ones, especially around the holidays. I remembered being angry with God for taking my mother when he did, but at the same time I knew she was ready. Her body was just too tired to hang on any longer.

Every once in awhile I replay that fateful morning in my mind, wishing that I would have done things differently. If I would have known she going to pass that morning I would have stayed all night and held her hand or told her a story about her grandchildren while she slept peacefully, but I didn't, because I truly didn't think my mother would ever leave me.  

They say time heals all wounds, but I don't believe that. Losing my mother left a permanent scar on my heart. I will always ache for her touch, her hugs, even her laugh. Joyce, was my mother, my friend, my mentor, even my bingo partner. I have gone to bingo a few times since she passed, but it's not the same. I miss listening to her swear everytime someone called bingo before her and smacking our dobbers together for good luck. My mother was a one-of-a-kind. She definetely made a mark in everyone's heart that knew her, she was that special.

I often wished  I had one more chance to see my mother, to hug and hold her again, although I would never wish for her to feel the pain that she endured for so many years. I know in my heart she is in a better place now, pain free, and watching over me and my family. She is my guardian angel. But if I were to have one Christmas wish, it's to see her again, to hear her laughter, to hold her hand, even if it's in my dreams. Just to hear her laugh would be music to my ears.

Merry Christmas Mom!! I will always love and miss you! 


No matter how old we are or how independent we become, we will always need our mothers. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

$60,000 SHIT HOUSE

Growing up, we were like most other families, we had pets; dogs, cats, rabbits and fish. Once I even begged my parents to let me have a ferret, but that didn't go over too well. There was always a dog running around in our house either shitting, pissing or vomiting. That's when my father got pissed one day and yelled, "Good God, we live in a $60,000 shit house!" We all stopped and looked at my father then busted out laughing. So from that day forward, whenever someone asked any of us where we lived. "Oh, we live in the $60,000 shit house on Anderson Avenue." People would look at us like we were on drugs or something. It was our own family joke.

But of course, my mother, God Bless her soul, did a wonderful job of cleaning up after these animals, in spite of her arthiritis. She would scrub and scrub the carpets until there was no color or fiber left on the dang floor.

I remember one Easter Sunday, I was about nine years old. I walked downstairs to see what surprise the Easter bunny left for me. I remember the strange smell when I walked into the kitchen. It was a scent that I never had smelled before. I searched around the kitchen, sniffing my nose, trying to find the source of it. I walked towards the laundry room which was adjacent to the kitchen and there was the Easter surprise. My dog, Daisy had a litter of puppies. Eight puppies to be exact. I remember screaming for Mom to come downstairs and when she came and stood beside me, she about shit a brick. No one knew that she was pregnant. Of course I was just a kid back then and never paid much attention to the dog's growing belly, but how could my mother and my father not know that their dog was pregnant? I mean, come on now.

Anyways...later that day, I walked outside to blow some bubbles from my new bubble machine that the Easter bunny got me when I heard a strange screeching sound coming from our shed. I walked around to the front and to my surprise....One of our cats was lying on the pavement giving birth to kittens. Yes, eight kittens to be exact. So that Easter morning...we had 16 puppies and kittens. A few months later, I remember bawling my eyes out when Mom decided to give away the puppies and kittens. I begged her to keep them, but of course the answer was NO! The answer was always no or maybe. That was their cruel way of teasing us just to get us to shut-up for awhile when deep down they already knew the answer was no.

So over the years, many dogs and cats have passed through our house, but that $60,000 shit house on Anderson Avenue was still a place that I loved and called home. I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


Wine, books and cancer...what an odd combination you say????  Well, if you love wine and you love romance books and you hate cancer, this is one place you will want to be on September 22, 2012.

Starr Hill Winery, along with Bri's Angels Cancer Support, Judy Davis and myself will be helping STOMP OUT CANCER!!!

There will be a variety of great tasting wine, including Pink Ice, Baily Road Red, al Mondo and many others to choose from. There will also be some great romance books, including Remembering Zane, Red Fox Woman, Fat Chances and The Unfaithful Widow. For each book sale, one dollar will be donated to the Bri's Angels Cancer Support. So make sure you to stop by and drink some wine and grab a book and help stomp out cancer by stomping on some grapes.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Papparazis...leave Rob Pattinson the hell alone!!!!

I don't normally write about celebrities, but this is really eating at my brain. Ever since the break-up of Rob and Kristen...the paps have been acting like a wild pack of Dingos. And frankly, I'm sick of it!!!!!!! I know it's their job and they are trying to earn a living just like the rest of us, but honestly how can they sleep at night? Do they not have a conscious? or a heart..or that little guy on their shoulder telling them..to just walk away on this one. Leave Rob alone. Leave Kristen alone.

I know being chased by the paps comes with the territory of being a celebrity, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere. Chasing Rob when the man is at his most vunerable is LOW!!! Being a huge Twilight/Rob/Edward fan, my heart goes out to him. I can only imagine what he is going through right now, but as a fan...I don't want to see his sad face plastered all over the media. I want to see him smiling, laughing and enjoying life because that is what he did for us. He made us laugh and smile (okay, cry and scream in some parts of the movies. lol) when we watch the Twilight Saga.

As for Rob/Kristen, I don't know what's going to happen between them, but Heaven only knows that they should be left alone to deal with their personal issues. Life is too short to be miserable. Rob deserves to be happy and so does Kristen and if they aren't a couple anymore, then so be it. They are young and full of life. Let them enjoy it. They don't deserve to have a camera up their ass every waking moment.

So Rob, this is some advice for you. Walk outside your door with your chin up, shoulders back and put on one of your famous smiles and while the paps are snapping away with their cameras, slowly lift your arm and raise that middle finger of yours and tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

If the story is true about Kristen....more advice....chin up, shoulders back, smile wide.....and go enjoy life. Anyone that breaks anyone's heart doesn't deserve those precious tears. Tears were made for two things.....tears of joy and tears for mourning.  You aren't mourning over the love you lost with her....just celebrating the love that you have for yourself and your family.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Somebody Pinch Me, Please.....

First off, I would like to say....that I am very blessed. Not just the good Lord, but my family, friends and fans have been ABSOLUTELY wonderful to me. I still can't believe that I have not one, not two, not three, but four books coming out this year. This is where the pinching comes in. hehehe. Never in a millions years, would I have ever thought that I would get a book published, let alone 4! My father said, "Hell, if you keep going like this, you'll pass up Stephen King." Bahahaha.....Poor Stevie!! LOL

As proud as I am of what I have accomplished, it still wasn't an easy road to travel. I've had a few minor setbacks earlier in the year, but I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel when Write More Publications decided to pull off this incredible stunt. They edited and published three of my books in a whopping four months. WOW!!!!

My first romance story Fat Chances, came out in May.
My second romance story Remembering Zane came out in June.
My third romance story The Unfaithful Widow is due out August 1st.

As some of you may wonder....wasn't Remembering Zane and The Unfaithful Widow already published by another company? Yes, you are right. But Write More Publications wanted to make them a bigger and better story for you to read. And with that I am proud to announce that 3 chapters have been added to Remembering Zane and The Unfaithful Widow will have the 24 original chapters. More great romance to read...HOW GREAT IS THAT????

Here is where I need a pinch again......I got more great news this past Saturday from another publishing company by the name of Ring Of Fire Publishing. They sent me a contract for my paranormal romance, My Haunting Love. Can I get a WHOOOO HOOOOOO???

So now you know why I feel blessed...and need pinch. hehehehe 

You can find all my stories on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Smashword in ebooks and paperbacks. Here are some links. :)



Monday, June 11, 2012

We only get one chance in life to love ourself.

Writing my romance story Fat Chances came easy for me, not because I am overweight, but because I was self conscious about my hearing aid. Kids were just as cruel twenty five years ago as they are today. It's sad but true,  we live in a world where looks matters and it shouldn't be that way. Alot of teenage girls and boys struggle with everyday peers to become popular or 'just to fit in'. They are  either overweight, or have skin problems or speech impairment or because they are poor or live in a trailer. The list goes on and on.

Now that I am older and wiser(I'm complimenting myself here) lol, I see things in a different persepective.  Here's how I look at it. If we were all six foot tall with platinum blonde hair and crystal blue eyes and perfectly fit with a tight ass and stomach, the world would be awfully boring. Just imagine everywhere you look, it would look like Barbie and Ken working at McDonalds or Barbie and Ken at the checkout in Walmart. Barbie and Ken EVERYWHERE!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

Damn!! I think I would rather look at Zombies!!!!!

So, what I am trying to say. Be proud of your five foot frame with brown hair and hazel eyes and those freckles across the bridge of your nose and shake that fat ass of yours and show them that you are proud of who you are. Learn to love yourself because we only get one chance in life to do it. Once we're dead, there is no second chance.

I don't care what anyone says....WE ARE NOT PERFECT!!!

So without further ado, here is my new romance story Fat Chances. It's available in ebook and paperback on Amazon, Nook and Smashword.

                                                              FAT CHANCES                                                         

Annie Powers is eighteen and overweight. When her twin sister, Molly talks her into going to a Zumba class, all Annie expected was a lot of sweat and sore muscles. But when she laid eyes on the very handsome and muscular Zumba instructor, Cory Shields, not only did he leave her gasping for breath from the exercises, but also from their kiss.

Dazed and confused, Annie struggles to understand why someone like Cory would be attracted to her. At the same time, Cory tries to make her understand that she is just as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside.

Annie knows she needs to learn to love herself before she can let Cory into her life. But can she?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Lily, My Fertility Drug

                                Lily, My Fertility Drug

It was January 1998 and I had just come back from one of those gourmet kitchen parties that was hosted by my very pregnant cousin. I remembered coming home and feeling very depressed. Three of my other cousins who were also at the party were pregnant too. It seemed like everyone around me was getting ‘knocked up’ and I wasn’t. What made it even worse was that my hubby and I had been trying for over a year and nothing.

I walked through the door and sat down on the couch with tears trickling down my cheeks. Our two black cocker spaniels, Annie and Jasmine knew right away that something was wrong as the two of them jumped on the couch and began licking the tears from my cheeks. They were our ‘babies’. I loved my girls, but I felt like something was missing. A child.

A few weeks went by and it was a typical day at my dog grooming shop. I had already groomed five dogs that day and was waiting for the last dog of the day. I was curious to see this ‘new’ client. The customer said she was a cocker spaniel also named Annie. What the customer failed to tell me was that she was “very” pregnant. She was due in a few days. Normally, I would have turned them away, but I didn’t know she was pregnant until she came through the door. The little ‘black bear’ was in dire need of a groom. All that kept going through my mind was that I had to groom her and get rid of the extra hair so the puppies could find her nipples to feed.

So as carefully and quickly as possible, I shave the little black cocker spaniel down. I say quickly because the whole time I was worried that she would give birth right on my grooming table. The owner came and was very pleased and promised to call me when the puppies were born.

Two days later, Annie had six puppies: five females and 1 male.


Weeks went by and still not pregnant. I was getting more and more depressed. I had started to wonder if there was something wrong with me and strongly debated on whether I should go see a doctor and find out why I wasn’t pregnant yet.

It was the beginning of March when I got a phone call.

“Jamie! Hi, it’s me Brenda, Annie’s mom.” She said cheerfully.

“Oh, hello.” I tried to sound cheerful.

“I wanted to call and see if you would like to come and see the puppies. They are so adorable.” She said.

“I bet they are.” I said. I knew they would be adorable. I loved cocker spaniels, having two of my own, plus my parents had a buff colored boy name Milo. He was the man/mascot of my grooming shop. After all, it was named after him, Sir Milo’s Dog Grooming.

“Would you like to come up and see them?” She asked again. I could hear the puppies yelping in the background and my heart sputtered.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe.” I hesitated. She gave me her address and said I could stop by anytime. I thanked her then hung up the phone. For the rest of the day, all I could think about were the six little cocker spaniel puppies running around and playing.

So after work, I drove to her house. My heart was beating a mile a minute as I walked up her front porch then knocked on the door. Brenda greeted me at the door with a smile on her face.

I followed her through the dining room then into the kitchen…and there they were; playing in the middle of the kitchen floor. I gasped at the sight of them. Four of them were black and two were white with brown spots. I giggled like a little kid as I sat on the floor. I opened my arms and began cooing at the four week old puppies that barely had their eyes open.

First a chubby black one came over to me. I picked her up and rubbed her tiny fuzzy face in mine. Brenda stood by the counter watching and laughing. I carefully set the black one down then turned to the small white and buff colored puppy. I lifted it up to see what gender it was.

“You are a little girl.” I laughed as she looked at me with her dark round eyes. I studied the cute little ball of fur for a moment and said, “you look like a Lily.”  

“Yes, she does. She does look like a Lily.” Brenda agreed then came over and sat on the floor beside us. She stretched her little neck out and licked my nose as I held her face close to mine.

“Awww, I love puppy breath.” I cooed as ‘Lily’ continued to lick my nose.

“If you want her, I can hold her for you.” Brenda said. My eyes shot open as I turned around to look at her. “Oh no, I can’t get another dog. We already have two at home. Bob would divorce me if I brought home another dog.” I replied. I glanced down at the sleeping puppy as I cradled her in my arms. She does look like a Lily.  

“Well, if you change your mind, call me.”

I carefully laid ‘Lily’ beside her mother and thanked Brenda for letting me see them. I went home that night and told Bob about my little puppy visit.

“We don’t need another dog.” He bellowed.

“I know, I know. I was just telling you how cute she is and that she looked like a ‘Lily’ is all.” Tears welled up inside me as I turned to go to the bathroom.

Two weeks went by and all I could think about was her cute little face and her sweet smelling puppy breath. I got teary-eyed every time I thought of her going to a home and being neglected.

“Jamie, what’s wrong?” Bob asked one night during dinner.

“Nothing.” I sniffled. I knew if I brought up the puppy again he would get pissed. I also knew that part of my depression was me not getting pregnant and having a puppy…well…I would have someone to baby.

“It’s about Lily isn’t it?” I shook my head, no.

He sighed heavily then shook his head.

“Go get the damn dog.” He said. My eyes shot up as I wondered if I heard him right. “What?”

“I said, go get the dog. If all you are going to do is cry then you might as well get her.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I jumped up from the seat and grabbed the phone book and called Brenda.

Lily was seven weeks old when I brought her home to meet her new family. Jasmine took a liking to her right away, but Annie (our first ‘baby’) didn’t care too much for her. It took two months for Annie to come around.

I took Lily to the shop with me every day and like a proud mamma, I showed her off. One guy saw me walking her along the street one day and stopped an offered me five hundred dollars for her. Of course I said, NO! She was my baby.

More weeks went by, and all I had time for was working and fussing over my new ‘baby’. As she grew so did her nicknames: Lilypad, Pick, Pickles and Lily lily pick a dily. Of course we could have called her shithead and she would have come to us.

It was April and the grooming business was starting to get really busy. I had called Missy, a friend of mine to come and help me.

While Lily lay in her cage, sleeping, we were busy bathing and grooming dogs.

“So, are you still trying to get pregnant?” Missy asked. I grabbed the poodle from the table and handed him over for her to bath. “Yeah, but nothing has happened yet. I’m beginning to think that these child bearing hips that I inherited from my grandmother are defective.” I laughed lightly.

Just then the phone rang. I grabbed the phone and my appointment book and walked out front to where it was quieter. As I stared at the dates, something seemed off. I quickly made the appointment with the customer then hung up. I started back tracking the date to when I had my last menstrual cycle then gasped. I was late. Not by much, just a few days, but I was late. And I was never late, so this was HUGE. I ran to the back room and grabbed my purse.

“Missy, I will be right back. I’m going to the pharmacy down the street.” I ran out the door, to the drug store that was only 4 buildings down. My heart was racing as I stared at the small selection of pregnancy tests. I grabbed the most expensive one and a bottle of Mountain Dew.

“Jamie, what’s going on?” Missy asked as she began to towel dry the poodle. “I’m late.” A huge smile grew on her face. I pulled the pregnancy test out of the bag and went to the bathroom. I was anxious and scared. I had been down this road so many times and ended up disappointed. I knew if Bob ever found out how much money I had spent on pregnancy tests, he would shit himself.

I squatted on the toilet and peed on the little white stick then carefully laid it on a paper towel on the back of the toilet. I walked out into the grooming area where Missy was waiting for me.

“Well?” She asked, anxiously.

“It says to wait ten minutes.” I sighed heavily.

“Missy, I’m going to take Lily outside to pee. Will you keep an eye on the test for me? If it says positive come outside and find me…if not…” Missy smiled, “Sure.”

My hands were shaking like a leaf as I walked Lily down the street. Her little black nose and her white stub of a tail moved vigorously as she searched for the perfect place to pee. After about five minutes and finally peeing, we turned around and headed back towards the shop. I looked up and saw Missy standing outside the door, waving her arms. “IT’S POSITIVE! YOU’RE PREGNANT!” She hollered.

I looked down at my little white/brown cocker spaniel and patted her head and thanked her for being my fertility drug.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

My Crazee World of Dogs and Writing

If any of you have read my biography on my website (www.jswilsoncroft.com) then you would know that I am a dog groomer. Yes, dog groomer, author, mother, wife, cook, cleaner, chef, sister, daughter, friend, pooper scooper, dishwasher and so on and so on. You get my drift. hehehehe

I have been grooming dogs and a few cats (not crazy about grooming cats but I will do it) for over 17 years and BOY OH BOY, could I tell you some crazeeee ass stories. Give me a minute and I will. Hehe...WARNING THOUGH, IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ IT!!! Bahahahaha.

Hmmm...where do I start? Okay, well....once I was grooming a cocker spaniel and the poor guy was nervous as can be. His brown little legs shook while I was shaving him and he was also scared to take a bath, but when it came time to blow dry him....well let's just say...he gave the new meaning to SHIT FLIES!!! I had my head turned while blow drying him and when I glance back he started crapping all over the grooming table. I immediatly panicked and leaned over to turn off the blow dryer but not before I accidently aimed the hose at the shit and it literally flew all over the wall. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did both. I ending up calling my mother and crying to her about the shit all over the wall. She laughed, "What the hell do you want me to  do? Come up there and clean it?" Even though I didn't admit it, but deep down, I think I was hoping that she would have. Needless to say, I felt like a giant shitball all day and probably smelled like one too.

One evening after dinner, I sat down next to my husband. I said, "Guess what?" He looked over at me and said "What?"  I laughed and told him that a tall dark handsome man was hitting on me while I was work today. His blue eyebrows raised, "Really? Who was it?"  I laughed playfully. "Oh, no one you know." I teased. He turned around and gave me a peculiar look. "What's his name?"  He asked. I told him his name was Max and how tall dark and handsome he was. He had big dark eyes and was hung like a horse. My husband's eye grew wide. I laughed and proceeded to tell him the rest of the story. Max was a black lab mix. He was standing on the grooming table being a good boy while I was shaving him. He was tall so it was easy for my short 5'0 frame to reach under him and shave under his chest and belly. Well...while I was shaving under him, I felt this thumping on the back of my head. When I turned around, his big ole' hicky do was pointing right at me. I yelped and immediatly stood up. The horny guy was humping the back of my head while I was shaving him. My husband laughed so hard.

But grooming dogs has not been all fun and games. Besides getting bit a few times and nearly clawed to death by a few cats the best and worst part about grooming is falling in love with them. I have groomed many dogs for many years and it's easy to become attached to them and their owners too. When I get a phone call from a customer telling me that they had to put their dog down, a little piece of my heart shatters. *Sighs* Okay...enough of that!!!

Well...after 17 years, I can honestly say that I will never quit my day job as a groomer. Believe it or not, my dogs inspire me. For some ODDDDDD reason....all my story ideas come to me while I'm in the middle of grooming a dog. I was grooming a shih-tzu when the idea for The Unfaithful Widow popped into my head.  I was grooming a poodle when Remembering Zane came pouring through. GO FIGURE!!! But all in all....I LOVE GROOMING AND WRITING. Many of my stories have dogs in them...only one didn't have a dog and that was Remembering Zane but the rest of my stories...always expect a pooch somewhere in the story. I guarantee you will fall in love with the dog as much as the characters. I did. :)

Monday, March 5, 2012

There's a potatoe in my hair soup!

Let me guess. You are cocking your head to the side, cringing your face and saying "EWWWW....HAIR SOUP? WTH?  

Well...if you are a dog or cat owner you would understand this completely. LOL
Yes...I own 3 dogs, 4 if you want to count my Dad's dog, who is living here temporarily. I also groom dogs out of my home...so yes...there is HAIR!!! No..my home doesn't look like the inside of a kennel. I clean my home on a regular basis. I have to when you add two children to the mix. :)

So anyways....back to the soup. How many have you ever sat down at the dinner table and pulled a hair out of your spaghetti? If you said never...then you're lying. I know it sounds repulsive, but seriously...if you know that it's your spouse's hair, then what's the big deal, right? He or she showers everyday..it's not like you are at a restaraunt and it belonged to some Joe Blow behind the counter who has been sweating all day over the grill and who the hell knows how long ago he has showered.

One evening during my first year of marriage, I made a nice dinner for my husband. I served ravioli's, garlic bread and a salad and one long hair. My husband pulled it out of the sauce and ran to the bathroom gagging. At first I was pissed that he would act that way over my hair, but then I saw that the hair was black, the same color as our precious cocker spaniel, Annie. I laughed so hard that I nearly peed my pants. A few minutes later, my hubby walks into the kitchen. His face was flushed.

I patted him on the back and said, "Honey, if it makes you feel any better, Annie just got a bath today." He shook his head and sat back down at the table. Well, that was nearly fifteen years ago and many hairs later......he still get grossed out, but he doesn't run to the bathroom gagging anymore.

So as a pet owner...finding a hair in your soup...well....that comes with  the territory. Whether it's my spouse's hair or my yappy chihuahua...I gonna keep smiling and eating my dinner...because a little dog hair isn't gonna kill me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Well...hells bells...I just looked at the calendar today and noticed that it was January 11th, one month before my 40th birthday. HOLY SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  UGH!!!!!

I knew that this day would come eventually...unless the good Lord has other plans for me. But 40????? I remember turning 30 and saying "Oh, I could be 50 tomorrow and it wouldn't bother me." Well WRONG-O!!  Now that I am near the big 4-0 it is terrifying. I am near the age now, where our bodies start to fall apart. Yippee!!  Our weight, vision, hearing (no luck from day one in that department) our hair and some of us unfortunate ones, start to shrink at this age. UGH!! For those that don't know me, I am a chubby woman that is only 5' tall and once osteoperosis kicks in...I AM SCREWED!!!!

People would say that once you reach 50 you are over the hill, but lets get real folks.....its 40. Thats when the grey hairs really start sprouting, sprouting to the point that we have to spend $50.00 or more every six weeks to keep our natural looking hair color and buy facial cream to keep our skin smooth and to keep those small wrinkles around our eyes and mouth from showing. Unless you are one of those freaks who dont age until your 60. I dont even want to hear about it. lol

I remember watching my mother, sit in front of the vanity mirror and cake her face with Oil of Olay. She would rub the cream all over her face and neck and arms. I never understood why she used so much cream.....until now.

Men...are lucky...(well most men) as they get older they start looking more distiguished, with their grey sideburns and beards. Women....we are no longer the fresh, firm, ripe peach.......but a shrivled up one with peach fuzz hair all over our body. Men would say that women as they age, are like fine wine..... Come on now....give me a break!!! What wine was he drinking? I thought most men only like drinking beer anyways????? LOL

Well....I know turning 40 isn't all that bad. I get to look back on my life and see all the wonderful things that I have accomplished. I have a wonderful hubby, two beautiful children, 3 dogs, a job and have just become a published author and I also have my health, even though I don't look like no spring chicken anymore...my hubby still loves the way I look. And lets face it...each grey hair that I  have..I earned it (whether I wanted it or not) lol

So the question is....Will I turn 40 gracefully? Truth??? Time will tell.  LOL    Maybe a with a few whiskey sours drinks, I won't mind it so much. hehehehehe