TURNING 40 GRACEFULLY

Well...hells bells...I just looked at the calendar today and noticed that it was January 11th, one month before my 40th birthday. HOLY SHIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  UGH!!!!!

I knew that this day would come eventually...unless the good Lord has other plans for me. But 40????? I remember turning 30 and saying "Oh, I could be 50 tomorrow and it wouldn't bother me." Well WRONG-O!!  Now that I am near the big 4-0 it is terrifying. I am near the age now, where our bodies start to fall apart. Yippee!!  Our weight, vision, hearing (no luck from day one in that department) our hair and some of us unfortunate ones, start to shrink at this age. UGH!! For those that don't know me, I am a chubby woman that is only 5' tall and once osteoperosis kicks in...I AM SCREWED!!!!

People would say that once you reach 50 you are over the hill, but lets get real folks.....its 40. Thats when the grey hairs really start sprouting, sprouting to the point that we have to spend $50.00 or more every six weeks to keep our natural looking hair color and buy facial cream to keep our skin smooth and to keep those small wrinkles around our eyes and mouth from showing. Unless you are one of those freaks who dont age until your 60. I dont even want to hear about it. lol

I remember watching my mother, sit in front of the vanity mirror and cake her face with Oil of Olay. She would rub the cream all over her face and neck and arms. I never understood why she used so much cream.....until now.

Men...are lucky...(well most men) as they get older they start looking more distiguished, with their grey sideburns and beards. Women....we are no longer the fresh, firm, ripe peach.......but a shrivled up one with peach fuzz hair all over our body. Men would say that women as they age, are like fine wine..... Come on now....give me a break!!! What wine was he drinking? I thought most men only like drinking beer anyways????? LOL

Well....I know turning 40 isn't all that bad. I get to look back on my life and see all the wonderful things that I have accomplished. I have a wonderful hubby, two beautiful children, 3 dogs, a job and have just become a published author and I also have my health, even though I don't look like no spring chicken anymore...my hubby still loves the way I look. And lets face it...each grey hair that I  have..I earned it (whether I wanted it or not) lol

So the question is....Will I turn 40 gracefully? Truth??? Time will tell.  LOL    Maybe a with a few whiskey sours drinks, I won't mind it so much. hehehehehe

A Christmas Memory

I was nine years old with blonde hair, hazel green eyes and teeth that looked like Bucky Beavers. A face only a mother could love; my mother, Joyce.
My mother loved Christmas and always made sure that it was magical and special. Of course to any nine year old, everything about Christmas was special and magical. The music, the bright colorful lights, the smell of baked cookies and of course Santa and his presents. But it wasn't all those holiday treats that stuck out most in my mind. I don't remember what present I got for Christmas that year or what cookies I ate. There was one fond memory that forever took a spot in my heart and I will cherish it til the day I die.
I remember coming down the stairs after taking a bath. I was wearing my long pink nightgown. The smell of popcorn lingered throughout our two story house, making my mouth water.
"Here Jame, grab the bowl of popcorn on the counter." My mother said with a big smile on her face. I smiled back, eagerly waiting to see what she had planned for the evening. She grabs two big glasses of soda then walks towards the living room with me trailing behind her.
My father, Jim, was already in the living room, setting everything up. My eyes grew wide as he turned off all the lights except for the Christmas tree lights. Mom had laid out two large blankets across the living room floor, right next to the stereo.
I copied her as she laid down onto her stomach, facing the tree then began shoving handfuls of popcorn into her mouth. I looked up to see Dad standing in front of the stereo. Soon, the voice of Merle Haggard filled the living room as he sang "Santa Clause and popcorn, Jingle bells and reindeer horns."
I laughed as I watched and listened to mom and dad sing along to Merle. Soon, after swallowing a mouthful of popcorn, I joined in. The three of us lied on the floor for hours, eating popcorn and listening to some good ole fashion Christmas music.

My mother is gone now. It will be four years ago on December 21 and I still laugh and cry when I hear Merle Haggard's "Santa Clause and Popcorn" song. I thank my mother for giving me such a wonderful childhood Christmas memory. Love you Mom!!!!

A Cullens Thanksgiving

Here is a special treat in honor of the Twilight Saga and Thanksgiving.  Enjoy!!

                             Thanksgiving with the Cullens

                                                            

"Come on Dad!" Reneesme squealed pulling Edward’s arm. Edward followed along willingly with a huge grin across his stone face as I followed closely behind. Reneesme was excited that Thanksgiving was just a few days away. She wanted to show us where she and Jacob had found a flock of turkeys that were deep in the woods. "Shhhhh!" She whispers putting her tiny little finger to her lips. Even though this was her second Thanksgiving, it really felt like her first. With everything that had gone on in our lives last year, the Volturies, we really didn't get to celebrate the holidays the traditional way. Edward and I and the rest of the family, including Jacob, made a promise that we would make this a special holiday for Nessie. I watched my beautiful daughter as she gracefully walked through the woods. Her deep brown eyes glistened with delight as she spotted a turkey. I stood back, watching her and Edward pointing and whispering to each other about the turkeys. Nessie lifts her head up, sucking in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the wild bird. "Hmph! They don't smell too good do they?" She whispers to Edward. Her little nose crinkled in disgust. He chuckles quietly. "Most birds don't my love. But they do taste pretty good. Eating just one isn't very filling though." I laughed under my breath at his comment. Edward turns to look at me with his smoldering golden eyes, making my stone cold heart jump out of my chest. I gave him a wink then a smile. "Daddy! Look! Look at that big one there." She points at a turkey that stood in the middle of the flock. It stood at least a foot taller than the rest of the turkeys. "That one will fill you, Daddy." Nessie speaks louder, scaring the turkeys. We watched as they all flapped their wings and flew for safety. "WOW!" Her eyes lit up with amazement. We all held hands together as we walked back to the cottage.

           Alice was busy decorating our cottage for Christmas. She wanted it to be a surprise for Nessie. I was really looking forward to decorating as a family, but of course, Alice always gets her way. I did make one request. That Edward, Nessie and I decorate the tree. She put her lower lip out, pouting, but then she agreed. Of course, Edward was standing there glaring at her. I'm sure that made a difference.

Nessie let go of my hand to run ahead of us. Edward and I watched her as she happily skipped through the forest with her long bronze hair blowing gently in the wind. Edward's laugh was like a sweet melody to my ears as we watched Nessie continuing skipping through the woods, punching a tree here and there, knocking them to the ground. She turns to smile, exposing her pearly white teeth, as dimples formed around her little mouth. Even though she was just born last year, she has already grown to the size of a 5 year old. And her intelligence was way beyond our imaginations. Carlise was still studying about this. Wondering if this is also one of her many gifts that she already possessed.

          "Mommy! Look!" I looked up to see what Nessie was pointing at. A bright light was glowing ahead in the woods, in the direction of where our cottage stood. "Ugh! Please don't tell me that Alice has built a winter wonderland theme around our home." I moaned. Edward looked at me with a nervous smile. "Ugh!" I moaned again low enough so that Nessie wouldn't hear me. Nessie took off running at full speed. So we followed closely behind.

          "WOW!" She hollered so loud that it made Emmett's booming laugh sound like a whisper. Carlise, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Jacob were all standing in the yard in front of the cottage, chuckling. Nessie ran up and gave each and every one of them a hug, thanking them for the wonderful surprise.

Yep, I was right. Alice had built a winter wonderland. I glared at Edward for not stopping this but when I saw the look on Nessie’s face, how excited she was. I shook my head and bit my tongue. Alice turned and laughed at me then proceeded on to give us a grand tour. We all walked in a single file line with Nessie and Alice being first of course.

There was fake snow spread out all over the yard, front and back. The whole cottage itself was lit up, changing colors from blue to red to green to purple then back to blue and so forth. A real life-like Santa Claus was sitting in a sleigh with eight tiny reindeers in the front. It pretty much took up the front yard. “Ugh”. I moaned. Edward squeezed my hand, leaning down to kiss my hair. I wrapped my arms around his waist, as we continued to the stroll inside the cottage. Nessie with her mouth open wide, walked slowly soaking everything. Everyone else seemed entertained by Nessie wondrous reactions. I looked over at Jacob, he too was just as excited as Nessie was, as if it was his first Christmas too. I could feel a smiling cracking through my stone cold face.

          "Mommy! Daddy! Quick! She grabs our hands leading us towards her bedroom. A small gasp escaped my lips when I walked into her room. I had to admit I had never seen anything like it, except maybe on television. Her room was truly magical. Christmas music was playing softly in the background. There were red and white lights streaming from the ceiling from one end of the wall to the other. A huge spruce tree was in the corner of her room, decorated in a candy theme. An electric train chugged around the room with little puffs of smoke shooting from the steam engine. Nessie ran from one end of her room to the other looking and touching everything.

"Hahahaha, look at the train, there are little presents on the flat cars." She squealed.  "Nessie dear, those are real presents for you, one for each day of December for you to open." Alice's purred. Jacob sat on the floor to get a closer look at the train. He looked like a giant lying on the floor beside the small train and it's little presents. Nessie walked over and sat down beside him, both if them watching the train chug past them, making a circle around the tree until it came back again. Edward and I quietly walked out of her room to let her play. We continued to tour the rest of the house. I was relieved to see that she left our bedroom alone. The living room was decorated in maroon and gold. I had to admit everything looked very elegant, although it was too fancy for my taste, but I bit my tongue. I did notice that an eight foot spruce tree stood bare in the corner of the room. "Thank you." I whispered in Alice's ear as I hugged her.

          Thanksgiving Day was finally here. We all dressed up for this special occasion. Nessie was exceptionally darling in a sparkling purple dress with matching shoes. Purple was her favorite color, for now at least. She changes it about once a week. Last week it was lime green. Whatever is her favorite color is, Esme, Alice and Rosalie take her shopping and buy her a week’s worth of clothes in that color. I told them that they were spoiling her, creating a monster but that just brought on a roar of laughter.

Edward walked into the living room wearing a dark blue Armani suit. It still took my breath away when he came toward me. He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up to put his lips to mine. Nessie giggled as she watched us kiss. I grudgingly agreed to wear a Vera Wang sparkling blue dress. The strapless dress was a little too provocative for my taste. Naturally, Alice was the one who picked it out. Edward seemed to like the dress more than I did as ran his the back of his soft hands down my shoulder to my wrist, sending tingles through my body. "Behave! We have a dinner to attend." I whispered, nuzzling his ear. "Hmmmm." He moaned.

          This was all new to us, spending Thanksgiving the traditional way or the Cullen's way. The ten of us, including Jacob, went hunting for turkey. Nessie was the first to bag a turkey. Jacob went next, then we all followed. I had to laugh watching Emmett chase after a turkey. He couldn't decide which one he wanted. He ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. Of course, Edward got the big turkey, Nessie made sure of it. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves as I stood back, leaning against a tree, watching my new loving family play hide and seek with my daughter. Memories of my own Thanksgiving weren't this happy. But that was okay, as long as Nessie was having the time of her life, that was all that mattered to me. All because of Nessie, we started a new tradition today. I smiled knowing there was going to be many more new traditions in the Cullen’s house.

          "Bella love. We got to get going. Charlie will be expecting us soon."  Edward's sweet breath whispered to my ear. We all walked back to the Cullen's house laughing and singing. I was truly blessed. I would have given up my soul a thousand times over for this moment.

I WISH EVERYONE A SAFE AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Best of Both Worlds

Noooo...I'm not talking about Hannah Montana's song. I'm talking about me. Well...it's a comment that my husband says about me from time to time. He says that I have the best of both worlds. Why you ask....Well...I was born with a disability, a hearing disability. At four years old I was fitted for my first hearing aid and started speech therapy shortly after so that I was prepared for kindergarten. All through elementary I was treated like a special needy child. The teachers made me sit up front and were always making sure that I could hear them and understand what was going on in class. At that age, all I cared about was recess and snack time. But as I grew older, things weren't so simple. Of course being a teenager, I had the same problems as most other teenagers such as peer pressures and making friends and struggling to find myself (hmmm...of course that didn't come til much later).

As I look back in my teenage years, I really had it good then but I just didn't realize it.

I remembered one day while sitting in history class. My teacher, Mr. Selner was giving one of his long boring speeches about the tribes in Africa. My eyelids started getting heavy as I sat in my desk, staring at his lips ( I read alot of lips to communicate). I remembered reaching behind my ear and turning off my hearing aid (which I had done many many many times). The next thing I knew the whole class was staring at me and laughing. Mr. Selner was standing in front of me with a smirk on his face "Well class, Jamie is turning me off again." He chuckles. I could feel my face turning three shades of red in that split second. Needless to say, I didn't do it again in his class in fear of him catching me again.

Now that I am older, wiser and deafer. lol  Yes...I now where two hearing aids....well I'm supposed to. That's where my husband comes in and tells me that I have the best of both worlds. If I don't want to hear the kids screaming and fighting or the dogs barking or the neighbor guy blasting his stereo to "Money for Nothing" song from Dire Strait, I can simple take my hearing aids out or turn them off.

Although I have missed out on alot of joyous sounds, like the coos of my children when they were babies or the song of a bird singing in the morning or crickets chirping in the early evening. I'm sure that there are far more sounds that I would rather not hear. So if you come to me someday to nag and scream or bitch about something....and you see my reaching behind my ears, that is me turning you OFF!!!!

My Little Heathen

Hmmm....where do I begin? Oh yes...first I have to say "What was I thinking?" As an animal lover...I just invested in another puppy. Why do you ask? When I already have two (a 13 yr old Cocker spaniel and a 3 year old chihuhua). I don't know why....maybe I secretly want to be one of those animal hoarders. God help me!!!!
The newest addition to the Wilsoncroft family is a teacup chihuahua named Lola. She weighs only 1 lb 8 ounces, so really she doesn't take up alot of space but geesh....her bite makes up for everything else. Did I mention that she is a little heathen? When I compare her to my first chihuahua Sophie...there is NO comparison. Sophie was the most perfect and I say that with a capital "P" dog on the face of the Earth. She only ever peed once in my home and pooped once and as for chewing on my children's toys....she never did such thing. She played with her own toys which were always scattered all over the living room like a cyclone had come through it.
But what was I thinking? That all chihuahua puppies were this good? Hell to the NO!!! Sophie set the bar sooo high that poor Lola sits on the low end of the totem pole. Honestly.....looking back Sophie wasn't a normal puppy...just the perfect puppy. Lola is a normal active rug muncher who does what puppies do best...peeing, pooping and chewing. Thank God she is cute because honestly...that is what is saving her little white fuzzy ass.....and the fact that I do love puppy breath.

That is another story all together....Puppy breath......the second best smell next to the smell of a newborn baby.

Don't sit under the apple tree

                   DON'T SIT UNDER THE APPLE TREE

CHAPTER 1

I will never forget the date it was Thursday June 26, 2008. It was the day that Todd and I moved into our new home. We had been searching for the perfect house for a year. We both wanted something with a little bit of land that was not too far from town. But a lot of the homes that we had looked with the realtors were either dumps or highly overpriced. Until one day I found an ad in the local paper.

FOR SALE: AN OLD ABANDONED HOUSE ON TWO AND HALF ACRES OF LAND. THREE MILES OUT OF TOWN. Price negotiable. Call 555-2478.

I stared at the ad for a few minutes with tears clouding my eyes. I knew the moment I saw the ad that this was the place we were looking for. Without even seeing the property, I knew that this was we had been searching for. I called Todd at work and told him about the ad. His response….was to call right away before someone snatches it up. My heart was racing like a runaway train when I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

Two days later we were pulling up the steep dirt driveway next to a two story house that looked to be a hundred years old or more and definitely abandoned. It siding was made of its original wood not the aluminum siding that you see on houses nowadays. The wood was old and dark and probably full of termites I presumed. Just thinking about it gave me the heebie jeebies.

Todd and I got out of our Jeep and walked over to an older gentleman who was standing beside the old house.

“You must be Mr. Wall?” I asked, reaching my hand out to shake his. Todd did the same.

“And you must be Todd and Madison Holmes?” Mr. Wall said. He was a squirrely looking man, short like me, maybe an inch taller than my 5 foot petite frame. He had brownish grey hair that looked as if it hadn’t been combed for days and his beard and mustache were in need of a good trim. But it was a look that I was accustomed too. A lot of the older folks who lived in this part of town looked like this, especially the older farmers.

“Yes.” Todd answered. I smiled nervously at the older gentleman. I couldn’t help but stare at his worn clothes and shoes and his eyebrows. It took all I had to keep from laughing at his eyebrows. They were the bushiest eyebrows that I have ever seen on a person. They had to be at least 2 inches thick, maybe more.

“Follow me then.” He ordered, walking around the old house. I glanced up at Todd, hinting to him while raising my eyebrows up and down. He smiled at me then elbowed me playfully to keep quiet.

“This old house was built in 1918 by my grandfather, Orvis Wall.” He walked up the steps and to the door, using a key to open it. I stopped at the bottom of the steps and stared at him with wide eyes. Did he seriously think that we were here to buy the house? This old house that was filled with bats, mice and termites and God knows what else.

Reading my mind, Todd quickly stepped forward. “Uh..Mr. Wall, we are not here to look at the house. We are interested more in the land. If we buy this land, more than likely we will be tearing this old place down.” I sighed in relief when Todd told him our plan. The old man turned around slowly and with his mouth agape, staring at us like we had just committed the worst crime ever.

“Wha..wha..wha…did you say?” He stuttered. His hands began to shake as he glanced back and forth between Todd and I. I immediately began to panic, afraid that we were going to put this old man into cardiac arrest.

“Oh no Mr. Walls. What my husband meant to say was that we are planning on building another home here, somewhere on this property. We just weren’t going to live in this house.” I tried to speak calmly as he continued to shake.

“Oh..well…well that’s fine then. There is plenty of room for another home on this land.” Mr. Wall locked the door then continued to tell us the history about the house. About his grandfather Orvis and grandmother Ethel and how much he used to love this house and staying here when he was a young boy.

“There’s an old pond down over that hill there.” He said pointing across the yard. “And there used to be an old pig pen where my grandfather and father used to raise and butcher them. Boy! Those were the days.” He chuckled as he grabbed a pipe from his breast pocket and began packing it with tobacco from a pouch that he kept in his back pocket. I watched with amazement, how he stuffed and packed the pipe then lit it with an old silver zippo that he kept in his other front pocket.

“Did I tell you that my Pappy Orvis taught me how to smoke a pipe?” Todd and I shook how heads, amused. I always got a kick out of old folks and how they liked to talk about their younger days. They never seemed to forget what happened to them when they were kids but if you asked them what happened last week they would look at you clueless.

I walked back over to the Jeep as Todd and Mr. Wall did some negotiating. My head snapped up when I heard Todd say “What? Are you serious?” My heart sunk when I heard him say these words. I really liked the property back here. It was quiet and secluded and yet the nearest neighbor was just across the road, caddy corner from us. And the best part was that we were only 3 miles from town. It wasn’t that I liked living in town. Todd and I both grew up in the small town of Centerville. We both thought it would be a nice change of pace to live in the “country” so to speak.

Todd Holmes was a senior when he first laid eyes on me. I was just a freshman, a straggly looking freshmen, if you ask me with brown frizzy hair from a bad perm that my mother had given me and my teeth were covered with braces. Yep, metal mouth was my nickname at that time. Todd on the other hand was tall, 6 foot to be exact with short dirty blond hair and the bright green eyes that I had ever seen. Every time he would smile, two perfect dimples would pop out, making his face more handsome than ever. All the girls in school were crazy about him, myself included but I knew that he was way out of my league….until the day he accidently tripped me in the hall and I went flying across the hall with my books went sailing in every direction.

But that wasn’t what caught his attention it was the blood pouring from my mouth. I had bitten my tongue when my face smacked off the floor. He literally carried me to the nurse’s station, apologizing a hundred times. From that day on, he had always been in my life.

I stood quietly watching Todd and Mr. Wall talk. After a few minutes they shook hands and parted ways. My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach when I saw the disgusted look on Todd’s face, leaving me to believe that the negotiation didn’t go well.

I quietly walked around the passenger side door and jumped in. I knew that we didn’t get it. Todd was too quiet when he started up the Jeep.

“Well…aren’t you going to ask me?” He turned to look at me before shifting gears.

“I know.” My lips quivered again. And so the search continued looking for a place to call home. I was so sick of renting the small apartment that we had lived in for the last year and a half. We both talked about starting a family and the apartment we lived it barely fit the two of us let alone adding a baby.

“You know? What are you psychic?” He remarked. I turned around to see a huge smile, dimples included across his face.

“What? What? We got it?” I shrieked jumping in my seat.

“Yep, my lady we found ourselves a home.” He laughed. “And it was a steal too. I offered him more money but he wouldn’t take it.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing him as hard as I could.

“What was the final price?” I asked pulling my arms away from him. I was curious now as to what was said between them.

“Five hundred dollars!” He chuckled in disbelief. I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, five hundred dollars for two and a half acres of land? Things were finally starting to look up for us.  

The next few weeks were crazy. We ordered the perfect double wide home with four bedroom and two baths and two huge living rooms, one with a fireplace. And weeks after that, we had the ground dug up to start on our basement. Todd always wanted a finished basement, someplace where his buddies could come over and drink beer and play pool and watch the Pittsburg Steelers on a huge flat screen tv. Our home was soon to be a reality. The only problem that I had was the location that we had chosen. We had just bought two and half acres of land and the only place that we could place our new home was right behind the old house. Todd explained to me that there was a natural gas well line running through here and well with the price of fuel these days…having natural gas was a big advantage, especially in the winter time. I wasn’t keen on the idea of cooking on a gas stove, afraid that I will burn the house down but if it was going to save us a lot of money in the future then how could I argue?

After two and half months of signing our life away with loan papers and packing boxes after boxes, we were finally moving into our new home.

After spending hours unloading the Uhaul truck and placing the boxes in their dedicated rooms, Todd and I along with our parents were exhausted. We hadn’t realized how much stuff we had accumulated in the last year and a half and what boggled all of our minds was where in the hell did we keep it all in our little shoe box of an apartment.

“I told you she was a hoarder.” Todd teased as we all sat around the kitchen table eating pizza. “GAH!” I picked up a wad of napkins and threw them at his face.

“Yeah, she gets it from her mother.” My father decided to join in by teasing my mother. My parents Jeff and Maggie Mason were high school sweethearts too and married young, only because my mother had gotten pregnant with me at the tender age of sixteen. I looked more like my father with the thick dark coarse brown hair and dark brown eyes. My mother had short feathered hair with green eyes. I was petite like her, minus the middle age spread.

“GAH!” Mother and I both gasped and stared at Dad for being so rude. His broad shoulder shaking as he laughed. “What? It’s true. You go home right now and look in our closet. The woman has at least a hundred boxes of puzzles stacked to the ceiling. Believe me, I know. I dread every hunting season when I gotta get my gun out of there. It ends up being a two hour production.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, it does not take you two hours to get your gun.” Maggie scolded playfully.

“Like hell it does.” My father continued to tease my mother. Todd’s father Ted joined in and began tormenting Carol, Todd’s mother. Soon all six of us were bickering back and forth, guys against the girls.

After dinner, we thanked our parents for helping us and watched them pull out of the driveway, all of them promising to be here early the next morning to help unpack more boxes. As I turned to walk back into the house, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I snapped around to look at the window of the old house. It was one of the windows on the second floor. I could have sworn that I had seen someone standing there. But all I could see was a white curtain that looked torn to shreds.

Todd and I spent a few more hours unpacking boxes that were marked ‘kitchen’. Todd stood by the cupboards as I carefully handed him our ceramic plates, bowls and glasses. I was so excited. Everything was fresh and new and exactly the way we wanted it. Our new house was starting to feel like a home.

It was getting late when we both decided to call it a night. Todd crashed on the bed and was snoring within minutes. I had decided to take a nice warm shower before going to bed. I was anxious to take my first shower in my new home.

I stood under the shower for a while enjoying the warm water soothe my aching back and shoulders. I hadn’t realized how out of shape I was until we began packing and moving these boxes. As I began lathering my hair with shampoo I heard a voice in the bathroom with me.

“Todd is that you?” I stood quietly for a moment waiting for his reply but he didn’t answer. Then I heard it again. It wasn’t a voice. It was singing. I knew that this wasn’t Todd because it was a female voice singing. I slowly grabbed the shower curtain then quickly snapped it back to see who was in here with me. But the bathroom was empty. I hurried and rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and got out of the shower.

As I began to dry myself off, I could hear the singing again. This time it was louder, loud enough for me to understand the words to the song.

“Don’t sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me. Anyone else but me, anyone else but me.” 

Dorothy

                                                       DOROTHY

She came to me in my dream. At least I thought it was a dream, considering that I haven’t slept for two days.

I thought it was strange that I was standing in the middle of a car repair shop, a shop that I didn’t recognized. I glanced around looking for sign stating the name of the shop or at least tell me where I was at, but there was nothing.

Leaning up against an old blue Buick Century was a woman that I did not recognized. Even though she was dressed in pair of dirty denim coveralls that mechanics usually wore, she still looked out of place.

“Who are you?” I asked. I slowly walked towards her as she waved her milky white hand for me to come. I was awestruck by her beauty. Her creamy white skin was flawless and her long brown hair flowing over her shoulders, reminding me of a model. But her most prominent feature were her lips. They were the brightest red lips that I had ever seen. They were her natural lips, not the caked with red lipstick.

I asked again, “Who are you and why am I here?” I gave her a peculiar look when she smiled at me. Right away I felt stupid for asking her name when it was there in plain sight over her left breast. A white name tag with DOROTHY embroidered in red.

“I’m Dorothy.” She says. I was shocked at the sound of her voice. It was sweet and melodic, reminding me of a group of children singing in a church choir. Anytime I would hear a children’s choir it would always give me goose bumps, just like it did now.

“Where am I?” I glanced around the dirty shop, again looking for a clue to where I was.

She ignored my question. “You are troubled.” She sounded apologetic. I thought that was odd. Why would she be sympathetic with me? She doesn’t know me nor I her.

“Uhhh…what are you talking about?” I couldn’t help staring at her bright red lips. They were beautiful and perfect. Flawless. Everything about this woman was flawless, from the strands of her thick dark hair to the tip of her perfectly manicured fingers. Wait a minute! What mechanic has perfect nails? Aren’t they usually grimy and caked with grease and dirt?

“You are restless my child. You are worried about your Mother.” My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach when she mentioned my Mother. My eyes became murky as I tried to look her in the eyes.

“Do you…er’ did you know my…m..mother?” I stammered. I still couldn’t say her name without getting a lump at the size of a golf ball in my throat.

“Yes, I knew her. She was a wonderful woman. I was with her til the day she died.” Her voice was soft, soothing as she looked at me with her dark brown eyes. I cocked my head to the side, curious. I didn’t remember seeing her at the hospital on the day that my mother died. The day that she became free from the pain that rheumatoid arthritis had done to her poor weak body.

“Were you one of her nurses?”

She laughed sweetly, “You could say that.”

“Dear child, she doesn’t want you worrying about her anymore. She is at peace and she wants you to be too.” She reached her milky white hands out for me to touch but I kept them deep inside my pockets. My legs began to shake and the tears began to fall.

“I can’t. Not when I could have done more. Not when I could have helped her take away her pain.” I began sobbing as I remembered her lying in her bed sleeping with her forehead wrinkled in pain. “She never complained about her pain. In all these years when the arthritis was slowly destroying her organs and her joints, she never once told me how much pain she was really in.”

“Oh dear child, mothers are like that. They don’t want their children to see or know their agonies.” She took a step towards me, still holding her hands out. I could feel my clenched hands loosening inside my pockets as I debated whether to take them out.

“Did you know how much pain she was in?” My lips trembled as I asked her this question.

“Hmmm…let me see.” She pondered for a moment, then turned her dark eyes on me. “Okay…have you ever ridden a bike up a steep hill, a hill that seemed to go on for miles?” She asked. I shook my head understandably. I was an avid bike rider.

“Well, you know the feeling of how every muscle in your arms and legs and body ache when you are pushing and struggling to reach the top of the hill. That pulling, aching and burning feeling?” I shook my head slowly, understanding exactly what she meant. Tears began to fill my eyes quickly, trickling down my cheeks and onto my shirt.

“This is how your Mother felt 24/7.” Without giving it a second thought I ran to her as she embraced me with her warm loving arms. Suddenly I felt peaceful and at ease and very tired.

I woke up with the sun shining brightly through my bedroom window. When I sat up in the bed, I noticed my shirt was soaked and something black smudged near my left breast pocket.